On the Issues
The Biggest and Most Important Issues Facing Us Today
Even under the Affordable Care Act, most Americans aren’t getting adequate health care. And with skyrocketing premiums, it’s even harder to get the care you need.
That’s why I’m proposing a bill that would allow each and every American to draw their own blood, quickly and easily from the comfort of their own home, and send it into a centralized government lab for testing.
Government oversight on such blood work is missing in the private sector, and will allow for dramatically reduced costs and much more accurate, effective testing.
My plan will compel each and every American to send large bags of blood, monthly, to our state-of-the-art testing labs with proprietary, never-before-seen, never-to-be-seen technology.
First they say you’re crazy, then they fight you, and then all of a sudden, you change the world.
There is no limit to what we can accomplish together when we have enough blood. And I will get my hands on your blood, eventually, so there’s no reason to be uncooperative.
This whole thing will be easier if you vote for me and agree to send me your blood once a month.
Voice and Skin
Some people have speculated that my alarmingly low register and pale skin bare resemblance to those with rare blood diseases, or even vampires. These allegations are completely false and have absolutely no basis in fact.
Soylent is a natural meal replacement pill that provides all the same nutritional content as traditional food.
I promise to combat the drastic environmental damages done by factory farms and the meat industry by requiring all Americans to substitute two meals a day with a healthy dose of Soylent.
Soylent™ – Food Simplified.
Blood (Part 2)
Having blood in your body is essential to survival. You want to make sure you have the best blood in the body at all times, even while sleeping. Therefore, it is crucial to have your blood tested. Often times blood doesn’t work the way you want it to, due to diseases or incompatibility across types. By testing your blood, you can ensure you have the right blood in your body, and just as importantly, blood that is disease-free.
Federal Grand Jury
Some have said that it’s illegal to run for President while under investigation for fraud by a federal grand jury. But this country wasn’t built by those who followed the rules. The people who made this country great – who made it what it is today, a land of opportunity, promise, and limitless riches – didn’t follow lock-step with the convention of the times. They were innovators, changemakers, and disruptors. They were those who dared to Think Different™.
I hope to follow in the footsteps of our great leaders. Together, we can challenge the status quo, and show big government what we can accomplish when we make big claims together