Elizabeth Holmes For President

Changing the world, one America at a time

Elizabeth Holmes for President

Who is Elizabeth Holmes?

I am a human female, age 35 years old, sandy blonde hair, 5’7”. I have many likes and dislikes, like other human people. I put on my black pants one leg at a time and my black turtleneck sweater one arm at a time, just like everyone else. The difference between me and everyone else, though, is that I am here to change the world. And I need your help. See where I stand on the issues, and if you’re ready to stand with me, please consider donating to my campaign.

My Beliefs

I believe that to treat America tomorrow, we must successfully diagnose it today.

I believe that one outfit is perfectly normal and sufficient.

I believe that all grand visionaries need a grand vision and little else.

I believe in a means to an end.

I believe that blood is necessary to survival for nearly all Earth-borne species.

I believe that a task not completed is simply

I believe that an abnormally low register in a woman’s voice is perceived as more trustworthy and confident, as do most Americans.

I believe that when you say you’re going to do something, you have to keep saying it over and over publicly until it just kind of happens.

I believe in accountability of others.

I believe in following your dreams, even when so-called “experts” try to stifle you along the way.

I believe in seed capital.

I believe that if we as a nation can come together and collectively send as much blood as we possibly can to be analyzed, anything is possible.

I believe my wolf is a wolf.

I believe that Steve Jobs is my biological father.


My Values





“I would just like to point out that I use more Vaseline than almost any other candidate.”